I think it's obvious that of all the things that I dislike in this world, I am at or near the top of the list.
I have tried to rectify this situation through the discontinuation of my medication. Seemed like an easy plan. Just stop and let nature take its course.
I have discovered one thing that I dislike more than continued existence: Being fat. Since I stopped my blood pressure meds I have gained 20 pounds. Correlation doesn't necessary indicate causation, but the correlation is pretty strong here, and I have experience and precedents that tell me one likely follows from the other.
So, I will likely have to start taking my meds again, which is a shame because I know the strategy was working. It's amazing how much the body can deteriorate in just a couple weeks. But at the same time, the threat of continued existence at a greatly increased body weight is too much to risk.
I have a few alternatives in mind.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Shouldn't Be Long Now
I noted the other day that my blood pressure was 163/108. I found a nice little website that documents what that means.
Here's the money paragraph:
"High blood pressure in this range can cause symptoms such as headache, nausea and vomiting, mental confusion, vision changes, chest pain, or shortness of breath. If you notice any of these symptoms, your high blood pressure is considered a hypertensive emergency and you need to call 911. During a hypertensive emergency, a medical team will work to bring your blood pressure down quickly. If you don't have these symptoms but your blood pressure remains high, doctors call this "hypertensive urgency." It's important to seek medical attention for hypertensive urgency, so that doctors can help bring your blood pressure down over a period of hours to days."
Headache? Check. Every day.
Mental Confusion? Check. A little more all the time.
Vision Changes? Check. My eyes no longer focus together: I have to read through one or the other.
Chest Pain? Check. Especially when I'm walking, which used to be one of my few pleasures. Now it's a chore.
Shortness of Breath? Check. It's now hard to get up the stairs.
Nausea and Vomiting? Not so much. Yet, anyway.
Call 911? Not a chance. And if I pass out and someone else calls, I will refuse treatment when/if I come back around.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm not choosing to go, I'm choosing to not extend my life by artifical means, of which, I think we can agree, medications are one.
Frankly, I just hope I have enough warning to write one final post to say goodbye.
But, if not...no big deal. It's not as if anyone gives, excuse my language, please, a flying fuck, anyway.
Here's the money paragraph:
"High blood pressure in this range can cause symptoms such as headache, nausea and vomiting, mental confusion, vision changes, chest pain, or shortness of breath. If you notice any of these symptoms, your high blood pressure is considered a hypertensive emergency and you need to call 911. During a hypertensive emergency, a medical team will work to bring your blood pressure down quickly. If you don't have these symptoms but your blood pressure remains high, doctors call this "hypertensive urgency." It's important to seek medical attention for hypertensive urgency, so that doctors can help bring your blood pressure down over a period of hours to days."
Headache? Check. Every day.
Mental Confusion? Check. A little more all the time.
Vision Changes? Check. My eyes no longer focus together: I have to read through one or the other.
Chest Pain? Check. Especially when I'm walking, which used to be one of my few pleasures. Now it's a chore.
Shortness of Breath? Check. It's now hard to get up the stairs.
Nausea and Vomiting? Not so much. Yet, anyway.
Call 911? Not a chance. And if I pass out and someone else calls, I will refuse treatment when/if I come back around.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm not choosing to go, I'm choosing to not extend my life by artifical means, of which, I think we can agree, medications are one.
Frankly, I just hope I have enough warning to write one final post to say goodbye.
But, if not...no big deal. It's not as if anyone gives, excuse my language, please, a flying fuck, anyway.
Video Time: Billy's Balloon
I've loved this video since the first time I saw it.
And now that I have kids (who love balloons), I love it even more. Especially because I told them it's based on a true story.
And now that I have kids (who love balloons), I love it even more. Especially because I told them it's based on a true story.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
It's the Thought that Counts
At least that's what I've heard.
That makes this year's anniversary gift all that more special.
This year will be my 20th anniversary. Such an auspicious number would seem to require an auspicious gift.
Granted it's well ahead of the actual date, but I believe you celebrate when the opportunity presents itself, rather than feel it necessary to confine yourself to a specific time.
So, I found two 4th row tickets to Elton John on Saturday night. The price is about one and a half paychecks of my part time job, but how often do you get fourth row seats?
Preceded by a dinner at Arnie's, which looks like a dump from the outside but serves the universe's best steaks on the inside, it would be a truly special night.
And that's where "It's the thought that counts" comes in. I thought about it.
My thought was this: "With the way she's treated me this past year, she's lucky I don't choose that ray to have her served with dicorce papers."
So, she's getting for Valentine's Day and our 20th anniversary exactly what I got for my birthday and Christmas: Ignored.
It's the thought that counts? My thought is, "Not worth the time, effort or expense."
That makes this year's anniversary gift all that more special.
This year will be my 20th anniversary. Such an auspicious number would seem to require an auspicious gift.
Granted it's well ahead of the actual date, but I believe you celebrate when the opportunity presents itself, rather than feel it necessary to confine yourself to a specific time.
So, I found two 4th row tickets to Elton John on Saturday night. The price is about one and a half paychecks of my part time job, but how often do you get fourth row seats?
Preceded by a dinner at Arnie's, which looks like a dump from the outside but serves the universe's best steaks on the inside, it would be a truly special night.
And that's where "It's the thought that counts" comes in. I thought about it.
My thought was this: "With the way she's treated me this past year, she's lucky I don't choose that ray to have her served with dicorce papers."
So, she's getting for Valentine's Day and our 20th anniversary exactly what I got for my birthday and Christmas: Ignored.
It's the thought that counts? My thought is, "Not worth the time, effort or expense."
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
A Tad High
Just had my blood pressure taken, or as I like to say, "tooken."
Tomorrow, it will be three weeks since I quit my medications. This is, incidentally, almost the exact time I was off my medications before my stroke four years ago. My blood pressure was 163/108, which is, according to the American Heart Association, just 2 points diastolic (the lower number) from requiring emergency hospitalization. Which I would refuse anyway.
So, my headaches and dizziness are not just side effects of withdrawal from my antidepressants, but have an actual medical cause. I've my left eyelid tends to be a little lower than the right when my eyes are fully open, and that's new. My heart beats faster and harder now when I walk at what used to be my normal pace, and I get short of breath fairly quickly. I've noticed my left eye also sometimes goes out of focus, and sometimes I get bright bands of flashing "lights" behind my eyelids.
I'm curious as to what my cholesterol is, now that I've stoped those medications, as well.
It's amazing how quickly the human body can deteriorate when you just lose interest in going on.
I'll keep you posted.
Tomorrow, it will be three weeks since I quit my medications. This is, incidentally, almost the exact time I was off my medications before my stroke four years ago. My blood pressure was 163/108, which is, according to the American Heart Association, just 2 points diastolic (the lower number) from requiring emergency hospitalization. Which I would refuse anyway.
So, my headaches and dizziness are not just side effects of withdrawal from my antidepressants, but have an actual medical cause. I've my left eyelid tends to be a little lower than the right when my eyes are fully open, and that's new. My heart beats faster and harder now when I walk at what used to be my normal pace, and I get short of breath fairly quickly. I've noticed my left eye also sometimes goes out of focus, and sometimes I get bright bands of flashing "lights" behind my eyelids.
I'm curious as to what my cholesterol is, now that I've stoped those medications, as well.
It's amazing how quickly the human body can deteriorate when you just lose interest in going on.
I'll keep you posted.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Fell Down Went Boom
So, after work this morning, I drove an hour through the wind and snow and finally made it into my driveway (which I still refuse to shovel until I can't actually get the car into it), and had to take the dog for her morning excursion.
Four-Tenths of a mile and five arms-windmilling slides through the streets later, I finally edged my way up my snow and ice encrusted front steps, clearing them somewhat as I went.
By the time I left for work eight hours later, they were again even more snow covered and still ice encrusted, though not so much, as I cleared them with my behind as I fell then slid all the way down.
I drove all the way to work sitting in a puddle of my own failure to remain upright.
When I spoke with my wife from work a little while later, I opined that it would be really cool if she could find two bored kids to find two nice snow shovels and maybe clear the front part of the driveway. And if not, then at least make the steps less snow covered and ice encrusted.
I wouldn't bet a nickle that it will be done when I get home. I'll get to fall back up the steps before falling back down them to take the dog for the walk she demands every time I get home, rain, shine, snow, sleet, hail, smog.
And all that in temperatures that will be somewhere south of zero and winds of between 25 and 30 mph.
Or, as my dad would call it when I was young, "Time for [me] to get out there and get that driveway cleared." And I wasn't even bored, just available. AND he would get me up an hour earlier than normal just to clear the driveway and sidewalk so he could get in his car and drive to work. Even on days when school was cancelle, which it rarely was because our parents either didn't care as much about us, or because they knew pain builds character. And intense pain makes less wimpy brats.
Oh well, I take comfort in the fact that, no matter what my lot in life, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
UPDATE: While the driveway remained essentially unshoveled (my daughter did about six square feet in a couple places), my wife managed to scrape the top layer off the snow on the steps, which at least left a nice, packed-down layer to walk on, rather than the lumped mounds that dropped me. So, 'E' for effort. You should have bet that nickel.
Four-Tenths of a mile and five arms-windmilling slides through the streets later, I finally edged my way up my snow and ice encrusted front steps, clearing them somewhat as I went.
By the time I left for work eight hours later, they were again even more snow covered and still ice encrusted, though not so much, as I cleared them with my behind as I fell then slid all the way down.
I drove all the way to work sitting in a puddle of my own failure to remain upright.
When I spoke with my wife from work a little while later, I opined that it would be really cool if she could find two bored kids to find two nice snow shovels and maybe clear the front part of the driveway. And if not, then at least make the steps less snow covered and ice encrusted.
I wouldn't bet a nickle that it will be done when I get home. I'll get to fall back up the steps before falling back down them to take the dog for the walk she demands every time I get home, rain, shine, snow, sleet, hail, smog.
And all that in temperatures that will be somewhere south of zero and winds of between 25 and 30 mph.
Or, as my dad would call it when I was young, "Time for [me] to get out there and get that driveway cleared." And I wasn't even bored, just available. AND he would get me up an hour earlier than normal just to clear the driveway and sidewalk so he could get in his car and drive to work. Even on days when school was cancelle, which it rarely was because our parents either didn't care as much about us, or because they knew pain builds character. And intense pain makes less wimpy brats.
Oh well, I take comfort in the fact that, no matter what my lot in life, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
UPDATE: While the driveway remained essentially unshoveled (my daughter did about six square feet in a couple places), my wife managed to scrape the top layer off the snow on the steps, which at least left a nice, packed-down layer to walk on, rather than the lumped mounds that dropped me. So, 'E' for effort. You should have bet that nickel.
Music Time: Far Away - Nickelback
I have a confession: Nickelback is kind of a guilty pleasure.
They go from sappy love songs to almost raunchy love songs to goofy, funny sort of songs to good old-fashioned rock songs.
Though, the lyrics do make me wonder at times: If you're the violently jealous type, is it really such a good idea to date so many strippers?
This is one on the sappy love songs, though: No strippers. I heard it again the other day and, as seems to be the case so often these days: Once again, Tears.
Enjoy:
By the way, if you want a funny, raunchy song that I like to call The Best Nickelback Song Nickelback Never Did, I'll put that below the fold. That's a misnomer, though: Nickelback singer Chad Kroeger co-wrote the song and sing the second verse and part of the chorus. Content Warning, though: the lyrics are about what you would expect from a song called It Won't Suck Itself.
They go from sappy love songs to almost raunchy love songs to goofy, funny sort of songs to good old-fashioned rock songs.
Though, the lyrics do make me wonder at times: If you're the violently jealous type, is it really such a good idea to date so many strippers?
This is one on the sappy love songs, though: No strippers. I heard it again the other day and, as seems to be the case so often these days: Once again, Tears.
Enjoy:
By the way, if you want a funny, raunchy song that I like to call The Best Nickelback Song Nickelback Never Did, I'll put that below the fold. That's a misnomer, though: Nickelback singer Chad Kroeger co-wrote the song and sing the second verse and part of the chorus. Content Warning, though: the lyrics are about what you would expect from a song called It Won't Suck Itself.
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