Tuesday, January 21, 2014

no echo

i once sang as part of a choir at the old colisseum which is where the cavs used to play before they moved to downtown cleveland they used to hold concerts there as well but we were just performing at a high school graduation there were only a few thousand people there but it was some kind of feeling to perform in the same building as so many of the music heroes i had admired as a child

the thing about such a huge place is that tthere is very little sound returning to you as a performer which makes it hard to judge your sound thats why the bands have monitors on the stage to play the music back at them so they can hear how they sound

if you've never been on stage it might be hard to understand but it is important to be able to hear yourself perform the echos are key to the sound

i feel that way now i am talking and talking and talking and im getting no feedback i cant hear myself and i dont think anyone else is out there either hearing me and so i just stand here and shout tonelessly into the nothingness to nobody

it used to make me feel better to put my feelings into words but now it just lessens the pain by a tiny bit eaxh time that comes back worse every time and more quickly afterwards i'm like the vortices at the museums that you roll coins into i am spiralling downward faster and faster and soon i will drop out and be gone no more tears no more pain i cry every day and i am so tired i cant wait to rest within the year maybe sooner i promise ill go away and never bother anyone ever again

i hate who i am i hate that im weak i hate me

No comments:

Post a Comment